November 2016 Issue

Breaking News

Mike Litoris smoking Mike Litoris, Editor

Local anarchist exposes Maple Syrup Conspiracy

Local anarchist and owner of the Anarchist Cafe, Terry Floyd, is publishing a book exposing the recent maple syrup heist as an inside job.

“It’s big syrup, man!” Floyd told this reporter.

He added, “It turns out that in fact, they did leave the syrup in an unlocked warehouse and used this so-called theft to go after their enemies.”

This reporter asked Floyd to elaborate on his findings.

“You know they got their sticky fingers in everything!”

Floyd’s book is coming out in February 2017 just in time for syrup tapping season.

The cover of Floyd’s book:

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Pictured above is Terry Floyd.

 


Letter to the Editor

Dear Editor,

I want to start by saying that I really enjoy working for your newspaper, but I have run into a big problem on dealing with the public`s reaction on my articles. Actually, I am totally appalled at how people are reacting to my gossip column.

I have recently received many threatening phone messages that people want to shut me up and put a stop to my articles. I also face many angry people while I walk down the street. Sacré bleu! I do not know how people have the right to stop me from speaking and reporting on what is going on. It’s a journalist’s right to report the news. I don’t understand the public’s reaction. I am only trying to protect the people when I gossip about them.

Can’t they see that I work hard to fit my visits to the Co-op into my schedule? The drive to the Co-op takes a lot of my time on a daily basis. Then it takes a lot out of my time and energy to listen and be attentive to the people that gossip about other people and to eavesdrop on private conversations that are happening in each aisle. Do you think this comes naturally to me? I go through a lot to listen in on these conversations: I climb onto store shelves and peek around displays to see who is speaking so that I can have a good listen to the conversation and quote the correct people. I have a feeling that people do not appreciate my work and all the effort that I put into it. I risk life and limb for my readers!

Mon Dieu! I don’t know what everybody’s problem is. I don`t see why people do not appreciate what I am doing and all the hard work I am putting into it. Can’t they see that I am doing this to protect them? What we try to do for people, and what do you get in return?

-Deborah Poirier, Gossip Columnist


A now a word from one of our sponsors:

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Coop de Jour is located on Mud Flap Road, RR3,Small Town

Upcoming Events

The Ladies Home and Rifle Club Christmas Craft Fair

Don’t miss out on buying that handcrafted item for your loved ones this holiday season! The Christmas Craft Fair will be running from December 3 – 10 at the Legion.

Craft Specials:

  • Missy Holbrook is offering 20% off of all tea cozies and knitted rifle holders.
  • Daniela Patrick will have her signature elegantly decorated gingerbread outhouses (they sell fast so line up early!)
  • Hope Hill will have her xylophone-playing chicken, Gertie, there to entertain all!

Golly Gee, BINGO coordinator for The Small Town First Nations Reserve would like to remind everyone to have their RSVPs for the Bi-weekly BINGO social in by Mondays at noon hour. Come for the Bannock, Stay for the BINGO!

Gretta & Bill Meyers celebrated their 60th Wedding Anniversary on November 12. There was tea and cake served at the Small Town United Church. All their friends, relatives and family members were there. A good time was had by all!

The Anarchist Cafe will be televising the Grey Cup game on November 27. Come early as last year it was standing room only!


I had to do some investigative journalism this month. It’s a good thing nobody recognized me incognito.
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Annette Joyal as Deborah Poirier, Gord Pollock as Terry Floyd, Jessie Blair as Mike Litoris

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