Editorial by Mike Litoris
This here’s the very first issue of The Small Town Times. We’re Small Town’s number one source for news and events. I hope you enjoy it!
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Congratulations to Verna-May Litoris, for being named Woman of the Month for the magazine, Outhouse and Home. She is the wife of lumber mill worker and Editor of The Small Town Times, Mike Litoris.
In her interview, she talked about her work, life, and Mike or as she says, “the reasons I need aspirin”. Outhouse and Home has a county-wide distribution which makes Verna-May one of our local celebrities now.
Our Annual Hooping Contest was on July 21. Jim Murdoch won again this year for the second year in a row. The judges are always impressed with how he can hoop that truck tire. The runners-up: Brad Johnston’s horse who can swing that hula-hoop around its hind leg, and a polar bear who can hoop a car tire around its arm.
A bonfire and Corn Roast Potluck social was held on July 30. Buddy French called out the Square Dancing. Good times!
Yours truly, Mike Litoris, was on the cover of Men’s Health magazine for the July issue. My advice for healthy living: Plenty of fresh air, chopping wood, and a good wife who does everything else.
The Beer Belly Jug Band performed at The Anarchist Café on August 9. Six people attended…their largest audience ever!
August 12 was the monthly barn dance at Archie Bird’s barn dance out just off Highway 9. Archie says if you want to be put on the invite list to send him a letter. Please address it to A. Bird, RR#2 Small Town, Canada.
Upcoming Events in September
The Agricultural Fair will be between September 9 -12. On Friday, we’ll have hay rides, a corn roast and for dessert there’s some homemade pies from the Ladies’ Home & Rifle Club.
The Annual Tractor Pull will be on Saturday. Last year’s winner was Mike Litoris’ good wife, Verna-May. She pulled her tractor 20 feet in 1 minute! It looks like she may have some stiff competition from Ida Thompson this year. This event happens rain or shine.
On Sunday, we’re having a cattle auction and we’re hoping that you’ll feel moooved to attend. Monday’s for cleaning up after the cattle auction. We’ll need as many volunteers as possible to clean. Please bring your own shovels. We hope to see you there!
• Caution: Please don’t accept any Facebook requests from me. I just don’t know what I’m going to do or say next. I got depressed when I found out that I was friends with myself on Facebook. You’ve been warned! -Ida Thompson
• I’m looking for the riding lawnmower I lent to Buster Brown last week. Buster, return the damn thing! –Jim Murdoch
• Wanted: somebody with a pickup truck to help me pull a lawnmower out of a ditch. Contact Buster Brown.
Jessie Blair as Mike Litoris, Gord Pollock as Verna-May Litoris